What is The Divorce PROfile™?
The Divorce PROfile™ is the reality behind the inception of the White Horse platform. The first thought most people have when headed toward divorce is, “I need a lawyer.” While that may be true, the legal process is only a fraction of the divorce experience for women, which often begins long before filing and continues well after final paperwork. Reality is better reflected in what I have come to call “The Divorce PROfile™.”
P = Parenting…also Priorities
Not all divorcing women have children, so let that be said that up front. In fact, “P” could stand for any number of things (physical wellbeing is the item I most want to squeeze in there), but Parenting/Priorities tops the list for a reason. Not only are they top of mind for divorcing women, but they share a key similarity: both involve shifting emphasis over time. Your parenting concerns are not the same today as they will be five years from now, ten years from now—nor are today’s priorities.
The evolving nature of parenting and priorities is critical to keep in mind, as the outcome of your divorce needs to accommodate that reality if you are to avoid regrets in the future.
R = Residence
Do you have plans for where you will live after the divorce? Will you live alone or with children? Part of the time or most of the time? Will you stay where you lived during the marriage? Do you want or need to start fresh? If you move, will you stay local, move by family, or seek out somewhere new? Rent or own? Will the setting impact your outlook and mood? Do you want somewhere bright and spread-out or cozy and populous?
Where you live will greatly impact your transition from divorce, and perhaps your ability to find calm. It may also determine what kind of support you have in caring for children, balancing a job, or generating a satisfying social life.
O = Orbit
“Orbit” is the social support I just mentioned. Perhaps you have family nearby that can help with childcare and work-life balance. Maybe your family lives far away, but you’ve become close with his family and wonder if you will keep them. Do you have a group of couples you habitually socialize with, and fear whether you will have to “split” loyalties? Do you know other divorced (or divorcing) women? Are you worried about being a fifth wheel? (Don’t be!)
Familial and social support plays a large role in Parenting and even Residence, as touched on above. The holistic picture is starting to take shape.
F = Finances
Your assets and debts are generally going to be marital, with certain legal exceptions. Perhaps you can divide them up on a cocktail napkin, or maybe you need a forensic accountant to dig through companies and spreadsheets and retirement accounts. You also have the near-future concerns of paying for the divorce, setting yourself up with money to support housing, utilities, and/or school and childcare, and whether you will need (or want) to switch from homemaker to workplace or even vice versa.
Finances will impact your choices regarding Residence and Parenting, which in turn will impact your Finances. They may even limit or expand your Orbit.
I = Identity
For many women, identity is the last thing they consciously think about, and the first thing the subconscious puts to work in driving the process of recovery. Your questions might look something like this: Who are you, now that you are not “wife of H” and “happily married mother of S and D”? If you’re no longer moving through life as a unit of four (five…twelve…three), are you still a unit, or are you by yourself? Will you keep your married name? What if your children ask you to? Do you have to leave decades as a professional to be home to take care of the kids, or do you have to leave home to enter the job force after twenty years? Do you even know who you are or what you like to do?
L = Law
The legal process…not much we need to say about that. Except that, depending on your Finances, Orbit, Identity, and Priorities, you have decisions to make about how you go about divorce. Some terms that may arise as you dig into this (or into this website, or both) are collaborative divorce, mediation, pro se, DIY, arbitration, and litigation. And here’s the beauty: in the U.S., divorce law is left up to the states. This means 50 states have their own laws, and within each state, every county has its own laws, and within each county, every court has its own rules and protocols…and…just…well…this is one part of the PROfile™.
But it looks just like the picture to the right.
E = Emotions
“E” could also mean Exhausted, if you’ve been reading and absorbing this article. But I don’t want you to worry about emotional upheaval – the final piece of The Divorce PROfile™ – because, even though it is a HUGE piece of the holistic divorce pretzel, we at White Horse are going to help you. If you need a therapist, we will support you in that journey as well. At White Horse, our goals are to banish those three divorce parasites: Confusion, Isolation, and Overwhelm.
Tackling P, R, O, F, I, and L will go a long way to freeing up E, and that’s what we’re all about.
Last question: why are only P, R & O uppercase?
I’m glad you asked! Although all are equally important, I definitely want to get across the message:
By getting a handle on your PROfile™, you will finally start to feel like a PRO. 😉
