Are women “too emotional” in divorce?
A lot has been said about the emotionality of women in divorce. Is it true that every woman proceeds in divorce through a cloud of emotion? Of course not. But many do, and this has both positive and negative consequences.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with “emotional.” There is nothing wrong with feeling those emotions in the first place, nor is there anything inherently wrong with expressing them under most circumstances.
As usual, I’m going to offer you a new way to look at it.
How does a man want you to approach divorce?
As long as we’re generalizing, you will also hear it said that divorce is fundamentally a business transaction. There is quite a bit of truth to this. It is also true that some men can take a transactional approach to divorce in ways that many women find difficult. At least one prolific male author has made a cottage industry out of helping women push through the fog of emotion to take a businesslike approach to divorce.
What is the value in his message, and how does he sell so many books?
The benefit of high emotion in divorce
If I knew how he sold so many books, I’d be on an island somewhere. After, of course, I write a book.
Let’s take a look at the message.
Studies have shown time and time again that divorce is among the top most impactful changes in life. By many accounts, it is second only to death. This is important because, whether you are the one to seek it or whether it has been thrust upon you, divorce is the death of a marriage.
It is critical to process any loss of this magnitude. The fact that so many women feel all the feelings, experience the emotions, and ride that rickety wooden roller coaster through every rattling peak and valley, is in fact a great survival mechanism. You have to go through the same dark tunnel as your spouse, but if you feel it every inch of the way, I promise you, your subconsciousness is putting you in the best position possible to come out the other side whole and strong. Even if you can’t imagine that day coming.
The downside of letting emotion be your guide
Much of the value in Jeff Landers’ message (and those of many others) lies in the fact that, in this country, divorce is achieved through memoranda of understanding, binding contracts, financial transactions, and judicial orders. Your financial security may be threatened every step of the way. Your life’s foundations—not only financial, but familial, psychosocial, and emotional—are at stake. The outcome matters. The human interaction along the way matters.
What you say and do will have an impact on the outcome.
If you act on a moment’s instinct rather than an hour’s thought, you lose that round.
You must keep a clear enough head to keep an eye on the big picture in the long game of your life decades after this is over.
Feel the emotions. Wait while you process them. Then act with that clear head. So what if it takes a little longer or feels a little (okay, a lot) less satisfying in the moment?
This is how you win. You win your foundations back. You secure your future.
What if I can’t turn them off?
Then you’re in the right place.
White Horse wants to hold you up when you’re feeling down, and give you strength before you let yourself down. We will help you picture the next ten years, twenty years, and the concerns you will have down that road. We will help you learn how to accommodate those future realities today, in the resolution of your divorce.
We want you to feel the emotions. We’re proud that we are women. We’re proud that we process life changes in the healthiest way possible for our species. We wouldn’t change anyone here, and we would never ask you to become robots or lawyers (never lawyers) or paper pushers.
We know we can be emotional and smart at the same time. Countless women prove that every day.
You are one of those women. And this, too, shall pass.
