Leading into the pandemic, I was both writing professionally and working for a couple of NYC entrepreneurial ventures, which were fast-paced, passion-fueled, and exciting. I had also informally been helping women here and there with their divorces since my own concluded in 2016.
If you cast your mind back to the first half of 2020, you will recall that the U.S. shut down in March and experienced an optimistic “soft open” in May. (That was when we all ran to fix the white stripe down the middle of our heads.) As we were one of the later countries to move into quarantine in the first place, we had the chance to watch other countries undergo their own soft open before ours. For me, the observations came fast and furious.
Breakups around the world
The news of a spike in divorces in China came first. Shortly thereafter, my close friend texted me from Madrid that the rental market had soared to 25% above asking. The dramatic rise in people breaking up and moving out accounted for that statistic. When the U.S. opened, divorce lawyers reported their phones ringing off the hook. We were to shut down again only a few weeks later, but the wheels were already turning.
Zoom and the workplace
At the same time, workplaces were furiously implementing virtual technology so that people could work from home and quell the spread of the virus. Nobody spends that much money without intending to make use of their investment, so it was clear we were entering the Zoom age. This meant that providers of professional services were no longer limited to a 30-mile radius of people who could visit their offices. We could now help anyone, anywhere, at any time, as long as the people involved had access to phones or computers.
Money fears
With the pandemic came an equal epidemic of uncertainty. No one knew if they would have a job a month down the road, or a year down the road, much less whether their small business would survive. Parents had to pause work and take care of children who were supposed to be in school. Hairstylists were mixing color and mailing it to clients’ homes for a small fee. Everyone was improvising, and wallets were tightening.
The quarantine of Lady Justice
On top of everything, the U.S. courts came to a grinding halt. Local governments rushed to implement virtual technology and limited the courtrooms to emergencies. My son received a speeding ticket in March 2020 (proud mom!), and prior to his April court date, he received the first of a series of notices with newly scheduled dates for his appearance – first July, then October, and eventually he was well into the school year at an out-of-state college and defensive driving became the only option. Problems not only don’t slow down during a pandemic (like my son), they escalate. In the case of couples in rapidly deteriorating marriages, there was no hope on the horizon for a routine divorce through our judicial system.
Doing what I do best
I worried. I worried about children locked in homes with abusive or unstable parents. I worried about people locked in relationships that were toxic or frightening or unhealthy. I worried about people worrying, since it was tough to find availability with a therapist and the short-term and long-term financial picture was blank.
If you were a woman needing a divorce in 2020, you might have been faced with trouble securing a second residence; finding a spare hundred thousand dollars to pay attorneys’ fees in litigation; you couldn’t leave your house to meet with a professional for advice; and even if you could pursue litigation, the likelihood that you could secure a reasonable court calendar and achieve a divorce decree before the apocalypse was rapidly diminishing.
Birthing babies, apparently
I thought of the women I had already helped, and I thought of the entrepreneurs in NYC who had poured so much of themselves into their passion regardless of obstacles standing in their way. I knew what my passion was—it was what it had always been. I wanted to help people. Now, I knew who I could help. I knew how I could help them. I knew how I could reach them. I knew I could save them money. I knew I could save them time. I knew I could help save at least one person’s mental health.
This was my 2020 epiphany, and now White Horse is here. Until now, it has taken the form of one-on-one consulting. In the background, however, I have been working non-stop to build the online platform that is starting to take shape.
One small, vast, digital neighborhood
Atop it all, lies the power of community. The concept is not me helping women; it is women helping women. There is so much we can do to build each other up, and we don’t need law degrees to do that. We don’t need to be clinical psychiatrists to do it. We don’t need to be forensic accountants to do it. All of these people and professions and skill sets are important, and they all play their role in divorce, without question. But a woman going through divorce can be helped in many, many ways even if she doesn’t have a dollar to her name. You can help her, and I can help her.
I hope this community will grow with you, and you will grow with the community. Divorce is not something that occurs in a vacuum and then ends. It becomes part of you, part of your story—if you have children, part of their story, too. It changes who you are, reshapes where you have been, and lays a foundation for where you are going. If you take the time to read the short tale of the white horse, you will see the possibility that this can, in fact, be the start of a beautiful way forward for you and your loved ones.
If you believe you might be heading to divorce, even if you are not sure, there are women who can help you. If you’re already in the process and you feel confused, or isolated, or overwhelmed, there are women who can help you. If you are on the other side of the legal wranglings, and you have your decree, and you’re not sure what’s next, there are women who can help you. And especially—especially—if you are a woman who has emerged from that chapter of your life, and you feel healthy and grounded and positive and relieved and fulfilled, you can help other women.
To that last group, I ask, please take a look at our fledgling Inspiration page and think about your next adventure. I will be writing all sorts of solo and group travel posts, for example, in the near future. Think of the inspiration you can be to others, or suggestions you might like to make, and upload them via our Submissions page so that you can be heard. Walk over to Stories, read the personal anecdotes that will be springing up there this fall, and think about whether you have one to add. If you become a member, please join our post-decree forum. You might be the light in someone’s day if you can make her laugh at a relatable experience that you somehow survived. They can survive it, too. We can all help each other.
Welcome, whoever is out there, to White Horse Divorce.
