RESOURCES

Below are support groups that have caught my eye over the years. If you need help beyond the White Horse walls, I hope they will serve you well! (If anything has changed that affects the accuracy of my description(s), please let me know.)

• CircleUp—weekly virtual groups led by licensed therapists; coed
• WomensDivorce Forum—free chat forum for women with some key drawbacks: chat threads are 100% visible to anyone in the public, and anyone can post on any thread (man, woman, or troll) with no verification, email address, or barrier to entry
• DivorceCare and DivorceCare4Kids—Christian support organization with group meeting programs for adults or kids (ages 5-12) in your area or online; coed
• SupportGroups—this platform does have a Divorce category, although it appears to generate about one new post a week and may not be enough help when you need it; coed
• MidLife Divorce Recovery—paid service for women experiencing mid-life divorce
• Reddit: r/Divorce—free forum good for people already familiar with Reddit; active; coed
• MySupportForums—free; not sure how active it is; coed
• Talk About Marriage—free forum for all marriage-related topics and may be useful for those not yet definite on divorce; active; coed
• Marriage Builders—support site focused on marriage and keeping people together, a possible resource for couples hoping to reconcile

If you are in a significantly bad way, please take advantage of the new (July 16, 2022) three-digit Suicide and Crisis Hotline:  call or text “988” 

a direct connection to compassionate, accessible care and support for anyone experiencing mental health-related distress – whether thoughts of suicide, mental health, substance use crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress [emphasis added]

If you are in a domestic abuse situation, consider the following outlets for immediate help:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Mayo Clinic—Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help
• Advocates and Shelters (by state)

If you have questions or are unsure about a potential domestic violence or sexual abuse situation, this is a helpful place to start:

• Helping Survivors

If you additionally face a financial dilemma within an abusive relationship, these two articles provide some good guidance:

• Finding Courage and Hope: Financial Support for Women Experiencing Domestic Violence
• Financial Help for Domestic Violence Survivors

The links below are good places to start if you need a divorce attorney in your area. You will want to make sure they are (i) actively licensed in your state and (ii) experienced in your county. One note of caution: some lawyers on these pages will have paid to be listed there—always interview first for qualifications and a good fit!

• American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers
• Divorce.Net / Martindale NOLO
• National Association of Divorce Professionals
• LawHelp.org (low-cost/legal aid)

Another idea is to reach out to the State Bar Association in your state. They will have a dedicated family law section with member lawyers who typically take referrals.

Please consider a collaborative divorce; I will write a post on this soon (pros and cons), but you can get a quick feel for it here. If you and your spouse think this could be a fit, you can go to the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals to search for a collaborative lawyer. If you strike out finding someone listed in your state, try Googling “collaborative divorce [State name].” For example, this is a good resource for a collaborative divorce in Illinois.

If you need financial help, a good place to start would be the Certified Divorce Financial Analyst website.

The National Association of Divorce Professionals is another option.

For divorce specialists*, try the following networks:

• Psychology Today
• National Association of Divorce Professionals
• TherapyTribe (plug “Divorce” into the dropdown box)
• Mental Health Match (start the search using your zip code; when you get to “specific concerns,” choose “Life events or experiences”; on the next page choose “Divorce / Breakup”)

If you can’t locate a good divorce therapist, don’t worry: a generalist* will get you through! Virtual therapy services have burgeoned in recent years, so you may have luck with something like Talkspace or BetterHelp. Also, you might have a friend or family member who can recommend a good therapist in your area.

For group support, check the Supports tab on this page.

*Always remember to check with your insurance to see if these services are covered. Your insurer will also have a list of in-network therapists in your area.

You may be in need of a real estate agent and/or real estate attorney. This is a good article on the subject.

To search for a specialist, try these sources:

• Certified Divorce Real Estate Experts
• National Association of Divorce Professionals

I do not personally subscribe to the idea that you need a huge team of professionals to get you through divorce, but there are occasions that call for more specialized help. I will include resources here as they occur to me, and I am happy to take suggestions if there is anything specific you would like me to include!

You can learn a lot online about the way divorce works in your state. The links below are will be very helpful, especially (but not exclusively) if you plan to pursue a DIY split.

• Online mediation (I can envision a lot of positives in this but I don’t know anyone who has tried it, so please let me know your thoughts if you do!)
• Online divorce
• Another online divorce source (uncontested divorces)
• Online legal forms
• Find laws by state (scroll to bottom)
• Lots of information on family/divorce law
• Even more information on family/divorce law
• Various divorce resources by state

Your state government website might also be of help to you, especially if you are trying to do things on your own. For example, Illinois residents can go here for guidance on DIY divorces in my state.