A must-read
Before we get started, there are some very important things I want you to pay attention to. White Horse is about protecting everybody here, and the best way we can do that is to make you aware of some behaviors that could impact your experience here and elsewhere.
Your snuggly little avatar
The first thing you’ll notice is that we do not use real photographs on this site. When you join our community, you will have the chance to customize a cute avatar for yourself! You will also notice that we do not ask for full names or even real names. Instead, you will be asked to pick a first name of your choosing.
Why do we do this? The answer is simple. Privacy online is very much an evolving issue, and nowhere more so than in the courts. In recent years, courts have decided that private Facebook posts can come out in your divorce. They are pretty specific about why this is. Facebook is considered a broadcasting platform, so think of it as a one-way street. You are there to share, more than you are there to get information. At White Horse, we want you to be able to freely seek information.
Social media generally and divorce specifically
Because United States family laws are left to each of the 50 states, and because each state has different laws in each county, and because each county has different rules and protocols in each court and before each judge, there is room for a lot of change and confusion!
I don’t want anything that anyone says here to ever come out in any context outside the walls of this specific platform and the safety of our community. There are two key ways in which online engagement can have an adverse consequence in a divorce proceeding. One: sharing information about a spouse who is readily identifiable. Two: sharing information that contradicts what you are saying in your divorce. I’ll give you some examples.
Examples of what not to do
#1. You start bad-mouthing your spouse. Your name is Jane Smith, and your spouse is John Smith. Even if you don’t identify John Smith by name, if the people of this community can easily tell that you are Jane Smith, then they will know that the person you are talking about is John Smith. That is why I don’t want you to use your full name or photograph.
#2. You tell your spouse and maybe a mediator or the court in your divorce that you have no money. Then you enter an online community, or you go to Facebook, and you start talking about the new yacht you’ve just purchased. That could be viewed as an admission in your legal proceeding.
Does it matter? Possibly.
These precautions are much ado about nothing if your spouse can’t make the case that your online activity is relevant to the divorce. People are not typically allowed to go on “fishing expeditions” in the hope they might find something they can use in their case. However, given that White Horse by its name is divorce-related, your spouse might argue that if you are engaging here at all then it is relevant to your divorce (I am not persuaded). Let’s say that somehow, your spouse has a great lawyer who manages to get all your usernames and passwords that unlock your online social activity. And let’s say that includes White Horse….
Dance like the judge is watching
I do not want you to be identifiable here. That is because I do not want your spouse to be identifiable. Your vigilance online will save you a big headache. Moreover, I do not want you to focus on sharing facts and information as much as getting facts and information. Sometimes you have to set a scenario to get answers, and that’s totally understandable. Just be mindful of the way you say things. Here, there, everywhere.
This is the most important thing I will ever say to you on this site: NONE of this is new.
Every single thing you say, type, write, text, email, or input in any other way online… you need to learn to be present in those communications as if the judge is watching.
Just do the same here. There is a great need, more so now than ever before, for online support communities. For some, they literally save lives. As long as I can serve you, I will. But no one can serve you better than you can serve yourself. Please use this platform to get all the support you need, and all the answers you seek. Please protect yourself in the process, as I would advise you even with regard to sending an ordinary text to a friend.
