*Anchors™ only; must sign up by March 5th. For the first 15, I will help you over two hours (however you want to break that up), one-to-one, via phone, Zoom, and/or direct messaging (your call). For all others (through March 5th or until we hit 50, whichever comes first), I will help you one-to-one via unlimited messaging. Either way, I will answer your specific questions and guide you to where you need to be!

There is no substitute for the power of community. All the individual coaching in the world cannot give you the benefits that connection and solidarity can give you, for a number of reasons. Several come to mind right away.

“DO I NEED COMMUNITY AND A COACH?”

Does that mean you should replace individual coaching with community? What I’m saying is that coaching is neither necessary nor right for everyone, whereas almost all of us benefit from a well-run and generous community.

Coaching requires money, patience, and commitment. Where those are not obstacles, the rewards can be tremendous. Individual guidance

• • is tailored to you and your divorce
  • eliminates a good deal of guesswork and self-teaching
  • can save you a great deal on attorneys’ fees
  • can give you strength you never knew you had

But it’s simply not possible or necessary for everyone to hire their own divorce guru. I’ve listed some of the key benefits of community. I will add that community will serve you especially well if

• • your divorce isn’t complicated
  • you are not paying an attorney for help beyond legal advice
  • you are in tough financial straits and mentally stressed by the idea of a team
  • you don’t have the time or bandwidth to commit to a one-to-one relationship

For many, coaching and community are a perfect complement to each other. Coaching gives you personal and professional guidance for every important step; community can supplement that advice, while providing the spiritual support and lifelong benefits that can outlast even the longest coaching relationship.

“I DON’T WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO JOIN”

Tell me about it. Talk about counter-definitional! What if there are only 5 people there? How do you know? If there are, what are the odds they will be 5 people who can help you in your situation?

Pretty high, actually, since I will be there, too. 😉

(Side note: I have also invited some stellar professional women who may join soon, to add helpful voices from the “Been there, done that” camp.)

But the biggest reason to join now is this:

The fewer people there are, the greater the personal attention. It is luck to find a brand-new community.

“ALL I NEED IS A FACEBOOK GROUP”

No. No, you don’t. Not even the White Horse Facebook Group (which exists, as you’ll see, if you click the link!).

There are several good reasons why they don’t compare.

Click to jump to the Facebook section of this newsletter, and I’ll tell you all about them.

“IS THIS THE RIGHT CALL FOR ME?”

Bottom line: Early is the perfect time to join, if you want personal, professional help. But you have to be a certain type of person to get the most from it:

• • You need help now.
  • You believe in the infinite circle of women helping each other.
  • You can be patient with technological growing pains, if things don’t run completely smoothly in the beginning.

QUID PRO QUO:  I WILL HELP YOU

If you help me grow this community, I will help you conquer your divorce.

For every person who joins the community, it seems 3 or 4 others call me on the phone. Quite honestly, I would rather have you pay a nominal amount each month to grow a much-needed community of women—one that truly does not exist anywhere else—than pay me a couple hundred an hour and ignore the crucial power of an all-female support group connection.

My passion lies in building that for you.

Sign up by March 5th as an Anchor™, and allow me help you through this time.

Every newsletter will include an update on changes at White Horse and what it means for the experience on your end.

If you read the bottom section of this newsletter, on what I am currently doing, you will see that major activity is afoot! This is because I am in the process of adjusting my business a few degrees to meet the needs of the women I serve.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

I have to meet needs where they are, not mold needs to fit my vision. This means I have to make premium coaching available for women who want it, rather than redirect everyone to a community they have yet to understand.

Regretfully, because I really like myself (and I won’t rest until all of you like yourselves, too), there is only one of me.

I can’t do one-to-one, plus 100% site tech and business buildout, plus run a community, plus stay abreast of this fast-changing field, plus serve you at my very best.

So I need to develop new efficiencies both in the premium field and the White Horse online presence. This will free me up to continue my professional research and activities while polishing the community plan until it is ready for a wider rollout.

Result: Instead of winding down my one-to-one efforts in favor of building a one-stop community for women, I will be reconfiguring the one-to-one while running a manageable-but-meaningful community on the side.

WHY CHANGE ANYTHING AT ALL?

I’m pivoting to address a real problem, the scope of which has become clearer to me over the past month. (If you don’t meet these things head-on, you have to tackle bigger issues later. Trust me. And that sounds terribly unappealing!)

The problem I see is a failure of messaging, both on my part and the part of divorce professionals generally.

We have left women confused:

• • You need help now, and you simply don’t know where to start.
  • You do not have clarity on the differences and synergies between what a coach can give you and what a community can give you.
  • You see the abundance of Facebook Groups and likely do not know that what makes them great also makes them tricky in divorce.

It had always been my plan to open the community portal as soon as I finalized the business insurance to cover my work there. Well, I finalized that last week…and made the unexpected decision to introduce the community in phases.

NOTHING IS ACTUALLY “GOING AWAY”

It’s not so much a change, as a momentary shift of emphasis.

I do not want to take away from women who have already joined, nor am I willing to withhold a sanctum from women who need it. Therefore, I will simultaneously be postponing the community at large and keeping it open to 50 women today.

In return for your patience with the growing pains, I am granting huge perks to members, if you read the big news!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

Fifty women will be part of possibly the most unique and intimate community for divorcing women online.

I will be in there every day, helping all of you in a way I could not if we were to expand the portal as initially planned.

AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR ME?

I will be reshaping my individual coaching practice to make it more accessible to more women in urgent need of personal guidance. (More on that in newsletters to come.)

At the same time, I am busy with education efforts and personal outreach—creating new and deep connections with as many struggling women as I can. That way, when the time is right to release the reins in favor of the power of community (i.e., hit the original “Start” button), there will be a host of women already primed to come together.

Everything I do is about you.

Stick with me, and I will never let you down.

Through building up trust in each other, we get closer to a place where everyone wins.

This part is so much fun.

As a business owner myself (and if you read my bio you know I did a great deal of Working for Other People, straight from being kicked out of the womb up to and through my own divorce), I know how hard it can be to get things going.

I also know how important it is, from both lifestyle and psychological standpoints, to strengthen your independence when emerging from divorce.

So I am excited to promote you!

I have two separate avenues in mind.

1: THE MEMBER-ENTREPRENEURS SPOTLIGHT PAGE

This will be on the member-locked side of the site, as a means of encouraging the community to support each other in the practical side of their lives. This might be through direct patronage of another woman’s business, or simply telling your friends about what a fellow member is offering.

Qualifications to be featured will be:

1. 1. Be a member (obvs)
   2. Own a business or be pursuing an independent venture, business, or passion project
   3. Be divorced or divorcing

Members who want to be included will need to email me and let me know about their endeavor! I will also need:

1. 1. a headshot
   2. a headline
   3. a URL to your website of choice
   4. a brief description of Your Thing

To give you an idea, this is what the members-only profile will look like (with embedded hyperlinks to offsite destinations):

2:  A WEEKLY, PUBLIC-FACING, SOLO FEATURE

If I implement this, it will be a weekly showcase of one member in particular, on the public side of the site. I need to guage support for this.

The information would be a bit meatier, as you would have your own larger section and link. We would make you a two-minute video, and you would remain on the site even as new members rotate in.

Caveats and comforts for the weekly feature:

1. 1. No one will ever get “put” on the public side of the site! I prize member anonymity above all.
   2. You would have to give your express permission for the shout-out, and be comfortable with public knowledge of your status as a divorcing or divorced woman.
   3. Your community activity would retain its anonymity: there will be no way to connect your real name and business profile from the feature with your username/firstname/avatar in the community threads and member pages.

So that’s what’s in the works!

So, what is the deal with Facebook Groups? Even private ones?

THE “GOOD” ABOUT FACEBOOK

The immediate answer: They are terrific.

The rise of online support groups over the last decade has been invaluable to so many lives, and never more so than during the pandemic. White Horse has its own Facebook Group for a reason: to let people know we are here. Facebook can be a great way to hang out a shingle so people know where to get help.

THE “BAD”

The deeper story: …is a bit more complicated.

To start, private groups are safer than public ones. Private groups usually have at least some sort of vetting process, and they afford you the discretion of not having all of your friends know you are in one.

The caution:

Facebook is a dangerous forum for keeping information private in divorce proceedings.

Courts have held that even a private Facebook profile can be mined for posts that are allowable in a divorce proceeding.

Think about that.

You make your profile private…you post to your friends only…your spouse can’t see it…yet those posts can be made public and used against you during your divorce.

At least one court has held that, under certain circumstances, even private Messenger messages between two individuals can be introduced by a third-party in court proceedings. Now, that case was in the Philippines, but do you really want to risk it here?

The idea behind legal rulings like these seems to be that Facebook is a sort of broadcasting platform, regardless of who you are broadcasting to, and therefore, “If you shout it, it is out there.” Also, if someone can pick up your phone, or the phone of the person you’re writing to….again, all bets are off.

WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM?

The root issue is this:

You cannot detach your REAL NAME and PROFILE, including PHOTO (whatever that may be), from your participation on Facebook.

That includes Facebook Groups.

Private and public.

If you post something, or comment on a thread, YOU have posted it. Nobody else. It is 100% traceable to you.

Facebook has your name, your photos, your messages, even your location(s).

WHAT CAN I KEEP PRIVATE?

Truthfully? On Facebook? I would assume…nothing.

Privacy settings are shaky at best. What do you think happens when you lock down your privacy, but then one of your Friends decides to Like or Share one of your posts or photos? You bet: off it goes, into the Metaverse. Maybe even straight to your spouse.

What if one of your Friends is also Friends with your spouse?

What if your spouse spoofs a Friend’s profile and “friends” or “re-friends” you?

Assume that everything you post, write, or otherwise share on social media is out there.

In terms of evidence, social media statements or photos that are particularly vulnerable in divorce include the following subjects:

• • Your spouse
  • New romance or relationship
  • Big purchases or trips
  • New residence
  • New job or salary
  • Lifestyle or partying
  • Rants
  • Social associations or friends
  • The size of your business
  • Finances
  • Kids
  • Compliance with a protective order
  • Anything suggestive or sexual
  • Timelines or habits

Deleting your content can present its own host of problems, especially if you are already divorcing or believe you are headed for divorce. There are laws against destroying evidence that have reasonably foreseeable relevance to litigation.

Assume that your spouse will ask for your entire history on Facebook.

And if those things are scary, try these on for size:

• • Reportedly one out of every five divorces cites Facebook.
  • As many as 80% of divorce attorneys look to use Facebook content in their clients’ divorce cases.
  • In some places, you can even serve your spouse with divorce papers via Facebook.

That is the risk of Facebook activity. Including Groups.

Please, please, use them wisely.

THE WHITE HORSE DIFFERENCE

The safest online engagement, during a divorce, is anonymous engagement.

An online support group without anonymity is a handicapped group. There is simply no viable avenue for it to reach its fullest potential.

Within the cloak of anonymity, you can share in a much fuller and safer way, with a reasonable assurance that what you say about your spouse or your divorce will not come out in the courtroom. (At least not from the community. If you also say it to your best friend at a coffee shop, well….)

At White Horse, we created our Facebook Group to answer questions, and to invite people into our world to get a taste of the kind of care they can receive.

We discourage detailed sharing on the Facebook platform.

That is why we are building a community for you like no other.

If you find an all-female, protected forum for divorcing women, with anything like the safeguards we implement here, we would love to know about it. (And not for competitive reasons: we don’t believe in competing with women who share our goals!)

We want for you what didn’t exist for us when we needed it.

And you will not find that freedom on Facebook.

We ran two successful giveaways in January!

If you missed them, we donate free one-to-one coaching hours to entrants—two prizes per giveaway.

I anticipate our next one will run in the end of March or beginning of April. (There will also be some members-only specials I have not decided on yet.)

Unfortunately, we did run into something I had not anticipated…which leads me to including this section in the newsletter!

PRO TIP

Please do not let the window lapse on claiming your prize,
or it has to go to somebody else.

I hate this so much, but laws are strict when it comes to giveaways and sweepstakes, and I have to follow rules to a tee. If I don’t, I can’t run them, and I really, really want to run them.

So—how can you prevent this from happening to you, if you decide to enter a giveaway?

Easy!

1. 1. Add giveaway@whd.community to your contacts or address book, so a winning notification won’t accidentally fall to spam.
   2. Act within 7 days of winning the prize.

You do not have to use your session within 7 days. You only have to select a time on the calendar—the appointment itself can be as far out as you want it!

Please take these easy tips to heart, and watch for more chances to win! Remember your friends who may need help, too. 💟

First, let me tell what I am not doing.

It is something I used to do a lot.

It never leads anywhere good.

If you are doing it, let me help you stop doing it.

….

Waiting.

….

Just. Don’t. Do. That.

Ever.

(So what am I doing, you ask?)

PROFESSIONALLY
💟

First, I am about to start working with an expert team on the White Horse business plan. I provided a brief description earlier in this newsletter about what some of that means to you, and there will be plenty more to come in future newsletters.

Second, I am working on a book! For those of you with problematic spousal communications, or downright hostilities, this will be for you. I am co-authoring with a fabulous Illinois family lawyer, and that thing is moving.

Third, I took on my first pro bono (=free) legal case in many, many years, for a young woman I am absolutely proud to represent. I need all of you to throw best wishes into the zeitgeist that we can turn the injustice in her life around. I 100% believe we will do it. Stay tuned.

Fourth, I disappear into the void for a week in May as I attend a 40-hour week at Northwestern University on family law mediation. Will I then be a mediator? Yes. Will I ever mediate? No. I just like to do these dorky things to keep sharp on content and the changes in the modern divorce arena.

And because they’re fun.

PERSONALLY
💃🏻

I was about to write something exciting when I remembered I will be doing taxes. Business taxes are due March 15th, which always surprises me, never makes sense, and is a downright plot against humanity. So those. I have to do those.

But then…!

I will be working from the other side of the pond for a while in the first half of March. My son is studying abroad this semester in Barcelona, Spain, and somehow I have close friends sprinkled all over that country so I can’t go for less than a week. I’ll visit my oldest friend (38 years!) and his family in Madrid (including my honorary son, who spent a summer with us a few years ago), then my son in Barcelona, and finally my other dearest, most fantastic, and not-at-all-normal friend (who was in my wedding 25 years ago) because she took off last fall with three of her five daughters to live in Valencia for a year for no reason whatsoever and allows her perfect husband to visit just whenever he can make that work.

That girl has skillz.

(By the way, my 38-year friendship with Fernando started in Argentina. He is Argentinian, and he has an Italian son and a Spanish son. Don’t ask…you can’t keep those Argentinian men down, apparently. But when last I visited them, we drove across borders into France, Monaco, and Italy…with our 4-nationality passports. Probably good they don’t do border checks there anymore.)

At any rate, I’ll be online as I always am, and available by phone or Zoom for clients who need me. No worries. I’m a night owl, so the 7-hour time difference syncs perfectly.

Between that and work, the rest can wait until the next newsletter.

Goodbye for now, and please share us with women who need support!

x Annie